If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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