Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
