i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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