when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
