Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
