so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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