mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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