I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
