Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
