I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
