She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
