it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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