so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
