What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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