We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
