I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
