so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
