Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
