what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
