Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
