vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
