i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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