if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
