Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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