Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
