DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
