Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize