need another drink. this is the easiest way
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
