Did you just see the Batmobile???
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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