So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I want her autograph on my taint
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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