I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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