Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
