Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
