You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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