Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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