when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
