She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
