my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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