I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
