You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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