Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize