some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
