He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
