When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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