I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
