why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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