i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
