if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
