She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
