I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
