i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
