I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize