You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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