He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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