My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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