Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
