I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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