I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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