I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize