My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
