He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am naked and annoyed.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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