It's Friday. Sex?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
