My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
