so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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