if you like me you must not know who I am
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
