Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
