at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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