you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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