i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
