omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
