Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
